doctor_j_crane

Has someone confiscated the bow and arrows off that obviously unstable inmate yet? In the right hands, they can cause just as much damage as a gun.

Needless to say, personally I would not be interested in getting hit in the eye with an arrow in the near future.

[Crane sounds really, really angry. He's been on a deserted island for three days. It happens.]

When Eames told me that all of this was Rex, I didn't believe him. Because it's Rex. [Pause of rage.]

It doesn't matter if he's dead. So what? He'll have expected the death toll. He will have expected a week in zero. He doesn't care about what any of you think. There's no way to punish him that wardens have ever traditionally used.

So do you know what I recommend, in my professional opinion? The only thing Rex does actually seem to care about. His snakes. I'm not sure where they are at the moment, but I think we should find them. They're probably just in his room. I also think that he needs to appreciate just how much damage he's done to the people of the barge. [Specifically, Crane's people.] I suggest that we dispose of them, since he obviously doesn't deserve the privilege of having pets. I also suggest that he be given the remains so he can fully appreciate the consequences of his actions.

[Pause.] I'm aware that some of you are squeamish. I wouldn't mind doing it myself, personally and giving it to him. In pieces. Because there's nothing like the bloodied remains of your beloved pets to remind you that some things just aren't a good idea.

[Added later:]

The snakes are in Harper's room, apparently. It makes me wonder if he has a wardenly duty to hand them over to the general barge public.

[Ooc: This is not seriously going to happen, Crane is a crazy loon. Rex's snakes are adorable.]

I would like to apologize- [He stops, because he sounds sarcastic. It's like a natural reflex. He continues on more normally.] I would sincerely like to apologize to Hayley Stark for dosing her with a highly unpleasant fear toxin last July, according to the calendar that the Admiral has inflicted on us. It was unwarranted in her case.

[Added later: Crane sounds exasperated.] And in the case of anyone else who was affected at the time.

[Added even later: Crane's getting used to it.] Including people who were directly killed as a result of it, otherwise indirectly impacted or generally traumatized by the experience. At the time I clearly needed to work out who was deserving of what.

I have a specimen that I think has lived in a bucket for a little too long. I would like a proper enclosure for it. Admiral, it can be plastic if you don't think I can be trusted with glass. [Crane sounds thoroughly unimpressed by this. He's referring to a non poisonous huntsman spider, that appeared in a Rom Com cupboard with Eddie and himself.]

[Crane pauses before continuing.] I'm rather surprised that the murder in the garden was handled so well. Was it because the culprit was reasonably obvious or due to actual police work?

[Private - Rose]

The garden is less quiet than I would have expected. I trust that you weren't affected by the recent events?

[Private - Hayley]

I want to show you some instructions. I need to know if you're capable of performing them.