doctor_j_crane | Entries tagged with it's not me it's you

[Private to Kay, Narvin and Dracula]

Given that the prototype for the tranquilizer is going so well, it's probably time that we tried it out. We'll need a delivery system and something or someone to test it on. Voluntarily, of course. I also think the CES might also offer a controlled, yet variable environment to do testing in.

[Private to Infirmary Staff]

Who is in charge in the infirmary at the moment and which one of you is Simon Tam?

[Public]

How many of you know basic first aid? I assume that most of you know next to nothing, but I'd quite like to be proven wrong.

Since everyone seems to be posting on their feelings lately, I might share some of mine. Firstly, if you're thinking about posting anecdotes about your life, don't bother. No one cares. Your warden already knows whatever you're going to say from your file, so they don't care either. You're wasting everyone's time.

Secondly, no one cares about what you think you know about space, the barge, religion or our place in the world. Thirdly, introducing yourself is pointless. We're all going to be stuck here for months on end, and we'll all inevitable be thrown together in some kind of ridiculously flood. So I'd recommend doing us all a favor and refrain from inflicting your company on the rest of us.

[Pause. Crane's done with his rant.] And Eames left, in case any of you were wondering. He clearly worked out that you'd have to be insane to stay here willingly.

[Private - Arthur]

I need to talk to you. You can probably guess what about.

[Filtered to the infirmary staff]

I either want some Zoloft or Prozac. Now.

[Private - The Admiral]

I just want to know one thing. I just want an answer to one question.

[OCC: So, Crane's in a bit of a terrible mood and lashing out at the barge. It's up to your discretion mods, whether the Admiral replies. c:]

For reasons totally unrelated to the recent flood, I've recently turned my mind to the issue of barge romantic relationships. [Crane sounds awkward just saying it.] Frankly, I'm confused as to why anyone could ever think that it ever would work out. Ignoring numerous public examples of messy arguments between wardens and inmates alike, I've never in my experience heard of a prison being described as a good dating environment. While the inmates do obviously suffer a certain lack of options, it's the wardens that persist in romantic liaisons that surprise me.

How can your supposed relationships have real meaning if they have an expiration date date? Or would you be willing to give up your family, friends and universe for one person who seemed like a good option while you were in a prison? You can believe me when I say that it isn't only unrealistic, it's unhealthy. It's no more valuable than a relationship forged in a war zone, done by the same messy necessity and a certain need to settle for what is available, no matter how substandard. It's disturbing how easily you all seem to give in to the delusion that it means something. It doesn't. It just has that sliver more meaning than the rest of your pointless existence on the barge. Furthermore, it's a disservice to your inmates and not to mention a failure in your duties as wardens. You're not here to find meaningful relationships with each other. You're supposed to be helping us.

[Pause. Crane sounds slightly more amused.] I hadn't done this in a while. It's highly therapeutic for me to tell you all the ways that you're wrong. I recommend it highly to other inmates.

[Private- Edward Nygma]

It could be slightly related to the flood. [The longest pause.] I'm not sure that I want to talk about it. I do apologize though.

[OOC: Whoops, going to do that post and run thing. Will be back in eight hours, after sleep. <3]

Public service announcement, barge. Apparently the Batman has made some sort of agreement with the Admiral. You can find him poorly disguised as Bruce Wayne.

Please, do note that he's perfectly willing to be violent provided you offend his delicate sensibilities.

Have a quick social commentary, barge. I think most of you can more or less agree that I treat you all in the same way. Which is horribly, like you deserve. Yet when I apply the same standard to a crazy person, that's socially unacceptable? Please. We're on the barge, more or less everyone here is unstable on some level. I'm not going to make any exceptions just because some people are more obviously insane then others. Besides, most of you apparently don't have a problem with how I speak to you. I can count the times that someone has told me to 'stop that' on one hand.

[Private - Riddler, Hayley, Claire.]

Consider yourselves notable exceptions. Congratulations. [Except for you, Eddie. Crane's just trying to be nice.]

[Private - Eames]

I'm gathering that expressing myself isn't against the rules. And Spike was threatening me, which was not appreciated.

[Warden filtered so hard, and away from Piper.]

Considering the nature of this flood, this is probably the best time to make a complaint.

Don't you people have some rules against wardens who use magic against their inmates? I'm fairly sure that constitutes a cruel and unusual punishment, especially when I haven't even done anything. Lately. [Crane pauses for a second. He's not impressed with this truth flood.]

Frankly, we all get enough of that with the ports and floods. I don't think it's fair to be targeted with even more of this ridiculousness. I was also under the impression that this graduation business was meant to be voluntary, not something that I was forced into doing because Halliwell is on a power trip.

[Private - Rose.]

I don't think that I was wrong about what I said.

[OOC: Bawww, whiny Crane is whiny. Feel free to tell Piper, question him about other stuff ect ect. He's having a bad week.]

[It's pretty clear by the large amount of people in the background that Crane's currently sitting in the infirmary.]

Apparently, zombies exist and are fairly hungry. [Crane sounds absolutely terrible. As in worst sore throat ever. Important things got eaten by the zombies, bb.] Also, we seem to actually be on a magical barge.

[Pause]

Cue the candid camera moment. Your experiment is successful. I actually have gone so far over the other edge of things that I think this place might actually exist.

[Five seconds of slow clapping. Clap, clap, clap.]

My main question is why would the Admiral do this to us? What does he gain? Why is this happening? Why are we here? What are you wardens getting from this? Why not just leave us to rot after being dead?

[After putting that large amount of effort into that little rant, Crane bursts into a fit of some pretty serious coughing. After he finishes, he turns back to the camera, even raspier then before.]

Why do all of you people put up with this?

[Private - Max]

Thanks. For keeping me company in the infirmary. [Not sarcastic, genuine.]

Current Location: infirmary

[Crane is in his room, and visible next to him is a stack of books, with titles pointedly turned away from the camera.]

Well, I’m not really sure what to say.

[Beat, in which Crane looks pensive. But only for a second.]

No, actually, I know exactly what I want to say.

To the “Riddler”, you are without a doubt the worst warden on the entire barge. It’s wonderful that you’re willing to convince someone who’s clearly flood affected to try and jump off the deck. Next you thing you know, you’ll probably just be killing inmates on your own steam. That’s more effective, isn’t it?

Adric, it’s just chess. You clearly have some kind of obsessive personality to make it into some huge issue. Move on.

Libby, no one on the barge cares about your relationship and apparently sexual dysfunction. That is not something that anyone needs to hear.

To the other denizens of the barge, especially all the new ones, welcome to your life. Prepare for floods of varying varieties that tell you exactly what you didn’t want to know about your fellow inmates and wardens. If you’ve got a problem with it, I’d suggest taking it to the Admiral, but we don’t exactly see a lot of him.

( Private, to Jack Tyler, Ms Rose and Max. )

OCC: PHPHPH I haven’t done my final exam, and I know I say this every time I post, but I am actually slow timing. Really. I just wanted to make sure this was up well before port. Also, sorry for the long post. >___>

[The voice post (public) cuts in halfway through, and it sounds like Crane’s been rambling for quite a while.]

…And there’s disease everywhere. Do you really think you all had the plague? There was no plague. They were trying to cull our numbers. And they have, haven’t they? There are more inmates then wardens, maybe, and people always disappear when they’re not meant to.

Oh. I understand. They’re escaping, aren’t they? That’s why the wardens never talk about it, just mention their nice little trips to home. It’s like this place is made of… cardboard, or something. Cardboard. It’s all fixable, of course. There’s that chemical in the air, and all we need is a different one, and then everything will be fine again. It’ll all be upright, instead of upside down.

And then, and then, there are all this bits and pieces that are here and not here. There’s a man drunk on the roof, but he’s not at the bar, you know what I mean? Of course you don’t. It’s all very technical. All of you just have Unseen qualifications.

You know something, all of you, all of you little robots on your Arkham meds, hiding your advanced “magical” technology from the rest of the world? This place is one four storeys tall. The rest is underground. I’d like you all to think about that. Four storeys tall. Four.

OCC: Being drunk is making the hidden (and not so hidden) crazy leak out. Also, I may be slow timing a little. :D

Current Location: Room

It has been a while since I've been back here, but the new refurbishments are most unwelcome. It's just not fitting for an asylum to have a nautical theme. I don't know if this is a sadly misguided attempt to be humorous or some exceedingly unnecessary seasonal holiday, but it is highly unprofessional. Not to mention a waste of funds and detrimental to the mental health of already unstable individuals.

Or if there are no 'refurbishments' and it's just me, what the hell have you dosed me with? None of my products have these kinds of results.

Ridiculously incompetent, either way.