doctor_j_crane

I will be setting up an anonymous clinic on Friday afternoons, where full doctor-patient confidentiality will be in place. For inmates, this means that whatever you bring to me will not be reported to your warden.


[Warden Filter]

Consider this a social experiment. If it becomes too problematic, I won't continue.

[OOC: It sort of is Friday in some places, so if anyone wants to spam/assume, just put a comment in the post. c:]

I'd like to speak to you both about the vampire tranquilizer project.

Narvin, I'd like to discuss the use of lab resources and a potential schedule for the project.

Dracula, I've got a number of questions about the vampires on the barge. Furthermore, I am also very aware that for many of them this project may be highly sensitive. I think we need to discuss at what time it would be appropriate to inform them of what's occurring.

[Crane's doing a video post, and you can see that he's leaning against a wall. People who have visited Crane's room before might recognize that it's not his, but other than that it's a rather neutral background.]

Despite the continued door issues, I think it's fairly clear that whatever the Admiral was keeping locked in some rooms has managed to break out to some extent. I keep seeing things in my peripheral vision. Now would be a good time for people with expertise in the area to start doing some studies. It's clearly only a matter of time before they become fully corporeal and start attacking us.

[Has someone done a 180 and started asking magical people for help? Why yes. Yes, he has.]

[Private - Rassilon]

Have you seen these things? Or tried your weapon on them? They might disappear too fast, but it could have the potential to ward them off.

[Private - Arthas]

Are you still having those dreams?

[This would be private to Perry, but the journal has malfunctioned, making it GLORIOUSLY PUBLIC. If a bit staticy.]

I changed my mind. I'll meet. Whatever you've got to say had better be good. Because I swear to god, Dawsey, if you attack me or otherwise stab me in the back, I am going to cut your throat in your sleep. I'm not joking.

Since everyone seems to be posting on their feelings lately, I might share some of mine. Firstly, if you're thinking about posting anecdotes about your life, don't bother. No one cares. Your warden already knows whatever you're going to say from your file, so they don't care either. You're wasting everyone's time.

Secondly, no one cares about what you think you know about space, the barge, religion or our place in the world. Thirdly, introducing yourself is pointless. We're all going to be stuck here for months on end, and we'll all inevitable be thrown together in some kind of ridiculously flood. So I'd recommend doing us all a favor and refrain from inflicting your company on the rest of us.

[Pause. Crane's done with his rant.] And Eames left, in case any of you were wondering. He clearly worked out that you'd have to be insane to stay here willingly.

[Private - Arthur]

I need to talk to you. You can probably guess what about.

[Filtered to the infirmary staff]

I either want some Zoloft or Prozac. Now.

[Private - The Admiral]

I just want to know one thing. I just want an answer to one question.

[OCC: So, Crane's in a bit of a terrible mood and lashing out at the barge. It's up to your discretion mods, whether the Admiral replies. c:]

For reasons totally unrelated to the recent flood, I've recently turned my mind to the issue of barge romantic relationships. [Crane sounds awkward just saying it.] Frankly, I'm confused as to why anyone could ever think that it ever would work out. Ignoring numerous public examples of messy arguments between wardens and inmates alike, I've never in my experience heard of a prison being described as a good dating environment. While the inmates do obviously suffer a certain lack of options, it's the wardens that persist in romantic liaisons that surprise me.

How can your supposed relationships have real meaning if they have an expiration date date? Or would you be willing to give up your family, friends and universe for one person who seemed like a good option while you were in a prison? You can believe me when I say that it isn't only unrealistic, it's unhealthy. It's no more valuable than a relationship forged in a war zone, done by the same messy necessity and a certain need to settle for what is available, no matter how substandard. It's disturbing how easily you all seem to give in to the delusion that it means something. It doesn't. It just has that sliver more meaning than the rest of your pointless existence on the barge. Furthermore, it's a disservice to your inmates and not to mention a failure in your duties as wardens. You're not here to find meaningful relationships with each other. You're supposed to be helping us.

[Pause. Crane sounds slightly more amused.] I hadn't done this in a while. It's highly therapeutic for me to tell you all the ways that you're wrong. I recommend it highly to other inmates.

[Private- Edward Nygma]

It could be slightly related to the flood. [The longest pause.] I'm not sure that I want to talk about it. I do apologize though.

[OOC: Whoops, going to do that post and run thing. Will be back in eight hours, after sleep. <3]

To all you new folks in town, I'm the veterinary surgeon here. I'll fix up your animals if needs be. For a price, of course.

[Town/old people filter]

Same cost for you folks. But don't be telling the new people if I change the prices for them. They're just passing through, you can't count on them for good business. So we've all got to do what we've got to do.

[New people/outlaws and ruffians]

I'll fix you up too, if you're willing to pay. Just don't be expecting prime doctor service and I won't be expecting doctorly prices. Just don't be asking my brother about those sorts of things if you see him in town. If you do that we'll all end up with lawmen involved.

I also have a few things stronger than drink if necessary. [In case some of you have a burning desire to use horse medication or something.]

For those of you who are obviously behind on barge etiquette, I would recommend pretending that the flood never happened. Never underestimate the power of repression. After all, no one likes to be reminded of that time that they spent a whole day acting ridiculously, even if it is preserved on the journals for prosperity.

[Added later.]

Has anyone spoken to Hayley Stark lately?


[Private - Eames]

Hypothetically, if I were to give you a rather important piece of information, what are the chances of you not running to the rest of the wardens with it?

[Private - Edward Nygma]

We need to talk now. There's been a development with the fear toxin. It's not for the better.

[Private - Hayley]

I need to talk to you. There's a developing situation that you need to be aware of.

[Crane's sitting at his desk, playing with one of his pet spiders. He's letting it run from one hand to the other. It's a pretty big spider.]

It appears the Admiral has been sufficiently amused. Enough to give us all our furniture back with all the trimmings, in any case. We probably weren't on track for our weekly flood, so he decided to make one for us. [Crane looks unamused. He didn't like the power being out.] It makes one wonder if all the effort that some lab staff put into researching such things is a complete waste of time.

[Inmate Filter + Edward Nygma (honorary inmate)]

Given my own current interim warden situation, I've become rather curious about a certain issue. If you could have any warden on board as your personal warden, who would you prefer? It seems difficult to weigh up the different benefits of the clever and the stupid, and of course whether it's better to have a warden with far too many powers or with none.

[OOC: Sorry for not adding this earlier, guys. The spider that Crane's playing with, based on the log where it first appeared, is a Huntsman Spider (from a log played by Australians? No wai!). The other two in the tank have never had their species stated, but one is smaller than the one Crane's playing with. :D]

[So terribly public.]

Let's have a conversation, shall we? What's a theme that no one has ever discussed? Let me think. The wardens, perhaps? How terrible they are? How your warden does love you enough? How you feel like there's not justice in the system? [Crane laughs.]

Let's reestablish the facts. You have been kidnapped. You are being held in a prison against your will, by force. You have been stripped of your powers, if you have any. You have a personal jailer. This is not a situation where you can expect justice. This is not a situation where you have 'human rights'. You do not have control. You cannot change this situation. [Crane almost says resistance is futile, but that seems like laying it on a bit thick.]

Arthas is right. By all means, sit and whine impotently or take the other option of rising against the wardens. But do you know something? It won't make a difference. You cannot overthrow them. If you want to leave, you're either going to disappear one morning or you're going to graduate.

[Pause in the rant. Crane shrugs.]

I have a truly strange suggestion. Perhaps due to my aversion of simply disappearing one day, why don't we all focus a little bit harder on attempting to graduate? Swing did it. It can't be that hard. And frankly, [dropping to a low, 'meaningful' voice.] how many of you can say that here is really all that worse then where you would have been otherwise?

[OOC: What do you do when you finally have the promise of lab access? Make a pro-warden speech! Behold, a pretty obvious attempt to get Capa's trust so Crane can make more fear toxin to make everyone have an extra wonderful day.]

It has come to my attention that with our recent influx of visitors to the town, that the threat Drink may once again be making its way through our ranks. [Crane sighs. This is so very frustrating.] I feel that as the doctor of this fine town, it is my duty to remind you not only of your role as civilized, law abiding people, but also of the consequences of such vagrancy. I must remind you not of the virtues of Temperance, but the horrors of Drink. [You can hear him capitalizing the words.]

As our friend Benjamin Rush emphasized so long ago, the impact of Drink cannot be underestimated on the body nor on the mind. If you were to have even one sip, people of the town, rest assured that you would find yourself hopelessly dependant on the substance. Your whole body craving it, you will lose your employment, your home, your family and finally your life. If you think that Drink is worth such a cost, please, I invite you to partake in it.

[He glowers at the camera for a few seconds.]

I also advise that no one visits the show. It is a disrespectful place and dangerous. I will be attending myself in order to make scientific observations, but I encourage all others to avoid it if possible. They will take your hard earned money, as well as poison your body and steal your life.

If you need to send me a message while doing so, do use the journal system. For other concerns, do ask my wife, Piper. Doubtless she will be willing to advise you on any concerns of virtue that you may have. [There's a slight edge in Crane's voice, and he turns off the journal.]