doctor_j_crane

[Port!Crane and Port!Capa appear to be standing in a very large kitchen, finishing off the last notes of a song. There are still small animals flying around polishing things, because that's how cleaning is obviously done. Needless to say, they're both rocking the princess thing. They both look identical, bar clothing and hair color. Crane/Nora looks over to Capa/Dora is currently busy dancing with a mop. It's a talking mop. It's singing.]

Dora, I have heard the most wonderful news! Many travelers have journeyed to the kingdom. Isn't that marvelous. To think, perhaps our troubles would stop.

[After speaking to her sister, Nora pauses for a long second, looking dramatically out the window. Dora stops dancing with the mop to reply, but the mop still continues to dance around the kitchen. Somehow.]

I have seen one! In the market, gathering apples. They should be welcomed. We should have a party!

[Nora nods, solemnly. Parties are very serious business.] Yes, that is quite true. We should get the creatures in the forest to help us clear out father's great hall.

[Dora continues.] Travelers, once you have explored, there will be a celebration in your honor. Tomorrow night! No witches, please.

[Nora adds a bit more.] Or an evil sorcerers, dragons or wizards, unless you promise to behave yourselves.

[They both dash off camera, followed by a flurry of wild animals and a tea set. After a few seconds of silence the mop dances over to the communicator and turns it off.]

[OOC: So, they're the local princesses being princessy. It's not quite clear exactly what they rule, but they do have a big old house. Both Crane (Nora) and her sister (Capa/Dora) will be replying in the comments. It's how they roll.]

This port appears almost normal. The world is modern, the setting is seasonal but not unusual. I'm gathering from the almost contented silence that we've yet to have a murder, supernatural happenings or a plague of zombies. How unlike the Admiral. Out of all the worlds that the barge has visited in my time, it's the only one that appears almost habitable. One wonders if anyone has been left behind in a port in the barge's history.

That said, it appears that my warden is not present to accompany me to the town. How disappointing. [Said deadpan, but Crane actually does want to go to the town. On the inside.]

Piper Halliwell also appears to have left us. [Crane's about to say more, but decides not to. He swaps the connection over to super secret private messages.]

[Private - Riddler]

You're out of zero, aren't you?

[Private - Rose and Hayley]

I gather that the two of you are going into town?

[It's pretty clear by the large amount of people in the background that Crane's currently sitting in the infirmary.]

Apparently, zombies exist and are fairly hungry. [Crane sounds absolutely terrible. As in worst sore throat ever. Important things got eaten by the zombies, bb.] Also, we seem to actually be on a magical barge.

[Pause]

Cue the candid camera moment. Your experiment is successful. I actually have gone so far over the other edge of things that I think this place might actually exist.

[Five seconds of slow clapping. Clap, clap, clap.]

My main question is why would the Admiral do this to us? What does he gain? Why is this happening? Why are we here? What are you wardens getting from this? Why not just leave us to rot after being dead?

[After putting that large amount of effort into that little rant, Crane bursts into a fit of some pretty serious coughing. After he finishes, he turns back to the camera, even raspier then before.]

Why do all of you people put up with this?


[Private - Max]

Thanks. For keeping me company in the infirmary. [Not sarcastic, genuine.]