[60] - [Voice]

[doctor_j_crane]

For reasons totally unrelated to the recent flood, I've recently turned my mind to the issue of barge romantic relationships. [Crane sounds awkward just saying it.] Frankly, I'm confused as to why anyone could ever think that it ever would work out. Ignoring numerous public examples of messy arguments between wardens and inmates alike, I've never in my experience heard of a prison being described as a good dating environment. While the inmates do obviously suffer a certain lack of options, it's the wardens that persist in romantic liaisons that surprise me.

How can your supposed relationships have real meaning if they have an expiration date date? Or would you be willing to give up your family, friends and universe for one person who seemed like a good option while you were in a prison? You can believe me when I say that it isn't only unrealistic, it's unhealthy. It's no more valuable than a relationship forged in a war zone, done by the same messy necessity and a certain need to settle for what is available, no matter how substandard. It's disturbing how easily you all seem to give in to the delusion that it means something. It doesn't. It just has that sliver more meaning than the rest of your pointless existence on the barge. Furthermore, it's a disservice to your inmates and not to mention a failure in your duties as wardens. You're not here to find meaningful relationships with each other. You're supposed to be helping us.

[Pause. Crane sounds slightly more amused.] I hadn't done this in a while. It's highly therapeutic for me to tell you all the ways that you're wrong. I recommend it highly to other inmates.

[Private- Edward Nygma]

It could be slightly related to the flood. [The longest pause.] I'm not sure that I want to talk about it. I do apologize though.

[OOC: Whoops, going to do that post and run thing. Will be back in eight hours, after sleep. <3]

Comments

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

But now the thought's in my head, it's too late! You in the Dr. Phil chair. It's legitimately horrifying.

[doctor-j-crane.livejournal.com]

Of course, my concern is dismissed because you're too immature to process anything beyond pop culture references. Why on earth are you a warden?

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

Because I have this magical ability to cut through the unimportant bullshit and the depressing stuff that we have no control over and still find a way to make jokes. It's a pretty effective technique, I've found.

[doctor-j-crane.livejournal.com]

You have control over everything that I've mentioned in this post and you have the power to hold other wardens accountable. You choose not to. You choose to make jokes instead.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

Why would I? It's none of my business. I'm not here to control people. I'm here to help people.

[doctor-j-crane.livejournal.com]

As far as I can see controlling and helping seem to be intertwined on the barge.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

That's because you see through 'villain goggles'. It being the barge doesn't change how you help people.

[doctor-j-crane.livejournal.com]

[Pause.] I do not have villain goggles.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

They're big and dorky. Not like bio-lab goggles, like fake kiddy flight goggles.

[doctor-j-crane.livejournal.com]

I feel like this discussion that we've just had has really improved the functioning of the wardens on the barge.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

You don't even wear them over your eyes, you wear them on your forehead with your cutesy flight scarf. Sorry, cutesy villain flight scarf.

[doctor-j-crane.livejournal.com]

That is ridiculous. I have never worn a flight scarf in my life.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

And you run around in your neighbor's yard playing with your doom-machine. I can see it all so clearly now.

[doctor-j-crane.livejournal.com]

I assure you, I have never attempted to create a doom-machine. [Pause.] This hasn't actually happened in your universe, has it?

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

That depends, does a giant fear-gas generator count as a doom machine?

[doctor-j-crane.livejournal.com]

My counterpart seems to be lacking in subtlety.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

Nah, I'm just messing with you now.

[doctor-j-crane.livejournal.com]

How wardenly of you.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

That's not even a real word.

[doctor-j-crane.livejournal.com]

I consider "warden" both a noun and a verb. Considering that there's no adequate term to describe what exactly it is that you do, I by necessity had to utilize a less than optimum word.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I can't count points for that in scrabble. Dictionary says 'no'.

[doctor-j-crane.livejournal.com]

Because language never changes or evolves. You really are stuck inside your little box, aren't you?

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

Yes. A scrabble box. You know, you're really bad at joking around.

[doctor-j-crane.livejournal.com]

I imagine it's the result of disliking almost everyone on the barge.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

I don't think that's it, because I have strong negative feelings for you and yet I still manage to crack a joke in every couple of sentences.